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Maddie goes to a new child care program

Maddie is three years old. She has been in a family child care home since she was a baby so she is used to being away from her family during the day. But her family child care is having to close and Maddie’s parents think she is ready for a preschool experience anyway so she can be ready for kindergarten. Maddie’s parents have explained all this to her but she is not too sure what this all means except that she is leaving her family child care provider, Shelly, and the other children. She is not happy about that but understands that its going to happen no matter what. She had a little party at Shelly’s with cupcakes and now it is time to go to the new place.
Maddie arrives with all her stuff from Shelly’s to put in her new cubby. The new lady – or Teacher – is called Miss Watkins and she smiles at Maddie when she comes in. Miss Watkins puts her stuff in a cubby with her new lunch box and Maddie says goodbye to her Daddy who brought her. When he leaves, Maddie starts to look around and she is really surprised at how many children there are and how many different kinds of things and a big rug and a bookcase full of books. Maddie looks around and is confused but not too upset. After a minute she spots the dolls and the play kitchen area and she knows all about that so she goes over to check it out. She sees so many dolls on the shelf! But she inspects them all until she finds one she likes and she tucks it under her arm with a blankee and crosses the room to see what else there is to play with. There are just so many things and there is music playing and tables and chairs with more things and all the children are very busy. Maddie explores carefully, with her doll still under her arm and then a bell goes off and everyone scurries around for clean up time – she knows about this! She helps other children put things where they seem to go and then Miss Watkins – and another lady – say its time for snack. Again Maddie knows what that means and she is ready to sit at a table because she is very hungry and thirsty! But when Miss Watkins tried to take her doll away, Maddie grips her even more tightly and tugs back at Miss Watkins who frowns but goes back to serving snack. Maddie keeps an eye on everybody through snack and wishes there were graham crackers like at Shelley’s but it’s okay.
Now it is time for “circle time” and Maddie isn’t sure what that means until she sees everyone go sit on the floor in front of a teacher’s chair and the other lady sits there with a book. Maddie knows this is a story time and even though she doesn’t know the songs or fingerplays they are doing, she is ready for a good story! The book is a quick one that Maddie doesn’t really understand and she couldn’t see the pictures very well but she and her doll sit quietly even though some other children are wiggling and get scolded by the other teacher-lady.

Time to go outside! Maddie finds the cubby that has her coal inside of it and she puts it on like Shelly taught her. She gets in the line at the door, doll still tucked in her arm with blankee straggling. Waiting and waiting. Then Miss Watkins opens the door for everyone to go out but when Maddie gets to the door, Miss Watkins firmly takes her doll and put its on a nearby shelf out of her sight and says “no dolls outside.” And that is the point at which Maddie is now really really unhappy and she knows not to cry and fuss but she just stands outside. Looking at her feet. Overwhelmed finally and very unhappy.
Miss Watkins doesn’t give her back the doll when they go inside and Maddie cant find her on the shelf now. The day is not fun any more and Maddie is not happy to go back the next day.

The Caring Workforce took on a profound burden with Covid and is reverberating still – caring professions (teachers, nurses, eldercare providers, (gulp) day care workers are leaving these jobs and few-to-none are stepping up to replace them. Attention is being paid to the reduction of this “workforce” with significant acknowledgments of the unconscionably low wages, institutionalized racism, misogyny and classism that has always plagued those that “care” for work. But as I struggle to find a way to articulate how caring for children is the most important Caring arena, I wanted to look at “caring” as our society frames it with language and attention.

The definition of caring is “the act or practice of showing concern for, displaying attentiveness to, or tending to the needs of others.” The schema it calls up is “niceness”. That does not call up, for me, the vital role that say, nutrition, does. Doggy day care, senior day care, self care, caring for and about gardens, birds, the arts – so many things we apply “care” to and should! But there is something integral and urgent that is lost in the casual use of the word care and indeed, in the warm and fuzzy feelings we get about caring. Caring describes our affection and interest in something and/or someone and it is an important expression of emotions and sense of responsibility. It defines one of the ways we relate to each other and to society at large – it might be a part of our identity. We are glad people do it. It’s nice.

But regardless, “caring” fails to describe the seriousness of its consequences when it comes to children. Even caring for an elderly adult has consequences that effect their health and their quality of life. It is part of the social fabric of a culture. However, I distinguish between the consequences of caring for children, especially young children. (read education here if you must).

Caring for young children is indeed about an expression of love and appreciation of cuteness, but it is so much more consequential than that. Early brain research gives us clear indications of the “natural consequences” of caring for children, and the impact of the quality of that care. Early – and adolescent- brain research reminds us that we are biological constructs that thrive or not, in direct relationship to the “care” we receive in our growing stages. Its not about being nice. Its not even about competition. It is about nothing less than survival – not the short sighted version of our own family or ego. But of the outcome of the human experience of being the dominant, most impactful species on the planet.

Here is a great quote from someone in Head Start long ago that articulates the consequences of our caring for children in real and stark terms

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are safe – or not.”

If not, their brains are not available for learning anything other than how to be safe.

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are loved – or not.”

In this world, we need empathy and compassion, the ability to care about someone other than ourselves.

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are encouraged to explore the world – or not.”

A provincial, limited, territorial mindset can be dangerous- but a curious mindset leads to critical thinking, tolerance and open mindedness.

These are not simply nice things that we wish for all children. The answer to these statements are consequences that will shape how their brains develop, shape their expectations of other people, will set them in toxic stress or trauma, or create biological environments in which they can develop brains that can calm down (self-regulate), learn abstract constructs (like reading), form healthy relationships (secure attachments) and make “good choices” (have critical thinking and executive function skills).

I know what the world I want my children and grandchildren to grow up in looks like and I shudder to think of the consequences of a society that refuses to understand the central foundational need for care of young children. Its not just a fleeting expression of affection – it is the instrument of growth – and contributes mightily to the people all of us – any of us – will grow up to be.

So pay close attention to the actions our society is taking about young children – we will all reap the consequences and we are responsible.

you are a main character in the story told in “What Happened to You?” by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey. for real.

Having read a bit of news that was intended to be hopeful this week, I keep recalling a Policy Parable by Dr. James Gallagher at Frank Porter Graham a number of years ago. He re-told it many times and each time it rang a AHA truth bell..

Imagine: there is a little girl who is very sick with fever and a sore throat and her worried parents carry her to the doctor who diagnoses strep throat and prescribes a 10 day prescription of penicillin. Within 24 hours, the child (and her parents) start to feel better! After three days, the little girl feels much better and her parents send her back to child care, still checking her temp and giving her the 2 doses of medicine each day. A week later, the little girl is feeling MUCH better, back to her old self and everyone is relieved this episode is over. Parents forget or forgo the last days of penicillin. When she gets sick again in 2 weeks, we can see the error in not following the full dose of medicine, and now, inadvertently, but surely, we have contributed to a more resistant strain of strep – making it harder to cure the next time.

This, Dr Gallagher would say, is what happens when we apply a Non-Therapeutic Dose of Policy. Just enough relief to tamp down the drama but ultimately not enough to fix the problem. And with the predictable unintended consequences, the problem is now better entrenched and resists easy solutions.

I fear this where we are in the “child care crisis”. Our non-therapeutic dose of federal monies is over, and the smaller gestures aren’t up to the job, but they feel like we are doing something. We have been in this cycle for a long time. A financial analysis 10 years ago concluded that the way to fix the compensation problem was to pay child care teachers a wage commensurate with their responsibilities. Imagine that.

In child care directors circles (of which I have long been a member) there is a well known secret staffing strategy. There is a category of teachers called “warm bodies”. They keep us in compliance with staff-child ratios, they make teacher lunch breaks possible, they are the last resort in staffing early care and education when qualified teachers aren’t there or are moving on to other work. Sometimes they turn out to be terrific teachers and we don’t admit to being surprised . Sometimes they fill spots and then we shed them when “qualified” teachers become available. They hold the system of care together so parents can go to work but they do not (usually) rise to the level of providing quality care and education. Not their fault..

Since I used to be one, let me tell you what they do bring: they play with children ({sometimes – an important unappreciated disposition), they “watch children” so no one gets hurt. Too often they are on their phones. They are welcome relief for hungry or tired or exasperated teachers. They are often what is referred to when people say that dreaded unprofessional tag “day care”. When I was a young woman, for a while, I was a very good warm body. I genuinely liked children. I had one of my own. I used to be one. I hugged and rarely yelled.

Here is what I didn’t do: I didn’t know how to help children resolve their conflicts without “time out”, so I didn’t prepare them well for controlling their impulses and developing executive function in their rapidly growing brains. I didn’t know how to not holler “clean up time” right when a child’s work was most educational. I didn’t know that circle time and calendar were just watered down second grade memories that didn’t match the needs of very young children. I didn’t know how dumb it is to teach two year olds to share, to raise their hands or to get in line. Master experienced teachers spent years alongside me, teaching me all of those things that eventually made me a supportive teacher of “quality care and education.”

I don’t believe that improving compensation -alone- is going to fix this crisis. Of course, unconscionably low wages are largely responsible for the equity and social justice issues that trickle down and land squarely on children. But it will not be rectified with moderately well paid warm bodies. A radical contemplation of this profession is needed, not a tinkering to the workforce, however well intentioned. We need policy makers, social change agents, women, to dig deeper than surveys – to not just identify the problems (of course every one of us points to wages) but to the solutions that strengthen a profession upon whom children’s real life futures depend. Think. Listen. Make Change.

Perhaps we should ask early childhood teachers what it would take to get them interested in working in this field again? That could significantly inform how we re-structure this failing system.

For instance: a 6 hour work day with a break.