Childrenology – Chapter One
Chapter One – Johnny
Johnny gets awakened by his Mom at 7am. She reminds him it’s his first day of big boy school and he needs to hurry to get ready! A cereal breakfast, some cajoling, looking for shoes, Mom packs a backpack – what’s in that backpack? nothing. She forgets to put a clean set of weather-appropriate, labeled, extra clothes in a plastic bag in there. But everyone has a backpack with something cool on it so Johnny does too.
She drives Johnny to ABC Little Learners Academy, which she calls “daycare” so that’s what Johnny calls it too. She carries him in, puts him down in the foyer where she signs him in and then walks him down the hall to his classroom. Johnny: “what is happening? What is happening? What is happening? Where are we going? What is happening? It smells funny here. What is happening?” Johnny’s limbic system is perfectly responding, sensing that anything unfamiliar is potentially dangerous. He is on high alert, curious and cautious. Mom says “Here we are!” and they stand in the doorway of a brightly colored, rather hysterically decorated room that is noisy, smelly and full of moving things that are, he senses correctly, other children! This is maybe ok and interesting and Mom is talking to a woman and he is shown his cubby where his backpack gets put. As he is biologically adapted to do, he is checking out the environment to the degree his senses are comfortable. After one minute, the noise and colors begin to overwhelm him and his eyes are wide. It is at this moment, unfortunately, that Mom announces she is leaving. him. here. now. The other woman is talking to him but because his limbic system is fully in charge, he is not really hearing her, nor is he able to answer her questions. He shrinks against his mom and now she is anxious – about his discomfort, his refusal to go play, the judgment of the teacher? or is it the director? and that she is in danger of being late to work. And she hasn’t paid the center yet – can she get out the door without them asking her for money she doesn’t have until payday?
Back to Johnny. The woman – his teacher – gives up or gets distracted and leaves him alone to “get comfortable.” A good healthy limbic response for him is to freeze in place until he understands what is happening. He never really does. But he sees nearby children playing on the floor with cars so he goes and stands there and watches for a bit. After a few minutes, Play With Cars wins and he sits down and tries to get a car to play with but when he picks one up, another child yells bloody murder and an angry grown up comes over and takes the car out of his hand, speaks in a scolding way, and then leaves. Johnny moves away and resumes watching. A typically developing child with a temperament that is curious, mildly anxious (appropriately so) and a determination to survive – he has a trait optimistically called ‘grit’ and Johnny survives the first hours of day care.
Did Mom or the teacher do anything wrong? This is a pretty typical description. No one meant for Johnny to be upset.