Caring has Consequences. Not just niceness.

The Caring Workforce took on a profound burden with Covid and is reverberating still – caring professions (teachers, nurses, eldercare providers, (gulp) day care workers are leaving these jobs and few-to-none are stepping up to replace them. Attention is being paid to the reduction of this “workforce” with significant acknowledgments of the unconscionably low wages, institutionalized racism, misogyny and classism that has always plagued those that “care” for work. But as I struggle to find a way to articulate how caring for children is the most important Caring arena, I wanted to look at “caring” as our society frames it with language and attention.

The definition of caring is “the act or practice of showing concern for, displaying attentiveness to, or tending to the needs of others.” The schema it calls up is “niceness”. That does not call up, for me, the vital role that say, nutrition, does. Doggy day care, senior day care, self care, caring for and about gardens, birds, the arts – so many things we apply “care” to and should! But there is something integral and urgent that is lost in the casual use of the word care and indeed, in the warm and fuzzy feelings we get about caring. Caring describes our affection and interest in something and/or someone and it is an important expression of emotions and sense of responsibility. It defines one of the ways we relate to each other and to society at large – it might be a part of our identity. We are glad people do it. It’s nice.

But regardless, “caring” fails to describe the seriousness of its consequences when it comes to children. Even caring for an elderly adult has consequences that effect their health and their quality of life. It is part of the social fabric of a culture. However, I distinguish between the consequences of caring for children, especially young children. (read education here if you must).

Caring for young children is indeed about an expression of love and appreciation of cuteness, but it is so much more consequential than that. Early brain research gives us clear indications of the “natural consequences” of caring for children, and the impact of the quality of that care. Early – and adolescent- brain research reminds us that we are biological constructs that thrive or not, in direct relationship to the “care” we receive in our growing stages. Its not about being nice. Its not even about competition. It is about nothing less than survival – not the short sighted version of our own family or ego. But of the outcome of the human experience of being the dominant, most impactful species on the planet.

Here is a great quote from someone in Head Start long ago that articulates the consequences of our caring for children in real and stark terms

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are safe – or not.”

If not, their brains are not available for learning anything other than how to be safe.

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are loved – or not.”

In this world, we need empathy and compassion, the ability to care about someone other than ourselves.

“It is in the early years that children learn that they are encouraged to explore the world – or not.”

A provincial, limited, territorial mindset can be dangerous- but a curious mindset leads to critical thinking, tolerance and open mindedness.

These are not simply nice things that we wish for all children. The answer to these statements are consequences that will shape how their brains develop, shape their expectations of other people, will set them in toxic stress or trauma, or create biological environments in which they can develop brains that can calm down (self-regulate), learn abstract constructs (like reading), form healthy relationships (secure attachments) and make “good choices” (have critical thinking and executive function skills).

I know what the world I want my children and grandchildren to grow up in looks like and I shudder to think of the consequences of a society that refuses to understand the central foundational need for care of young children. Its not just a fleeting expression of affection – it is the instrument of growth – and contributes mightily to the people all of us – any of us – will grow up to be.

So pay close attention to the actions our society is taking about young children – we will all reap the consequences and we are responsible.